How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #38

P=Parent
C=Chlid

(At dinner)
C: I have so much energy! I think I have ONE GALLON of energy!
P: Wow, you better use up that energy before bedtime!
C: No. I have ONE HUNDRED GALLONS of energy!
P: Wow! That's a lot of energy. I don't know if you can burn all that off before bed!
C: I can!
P: How?
C: By runny - runny - running!

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #37

P=Parent
C=Child

C: I'm excited to go to school today!
P: Why's that?
C: Because... when I go to school? My mom or dad comes and picks me up and then I get to go home and play!!
P: That's optimistic.
C: What'd you say?
P: Keep that general outlook on life, and you'll have no problems.

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #36

P=Parent
C=Child

C: Did you take (the dog) to work with you today? 

P: Yes. 

C: Oh. I took (the dog) to work with me today too.  

P: Work or school?
C: To work. 

P: How? 

C: I just did. 

P: I didn't know you had a job.

C: Yeah, I do!

P: Where do you work?
C: In the Centenary room.

P: In the Sensamary room?
C: No, in the Cente-Nary room!

P: What is that?

C: Well, they have really high ceilings and they have airplanes that go down and up into the ceiling and then when I leave they come back down!

P: What do you do there?

C: Sleep.

P: You get to take a nap while you work?

C: Yeah.

P: That's a cool job if you can take a nap while you're working!

C: Why?

P: Because. It just is!

C: And they have cars there too and they have bathtubs and showers. 

P: Why are there baths and showers? 

C: Because I take a bath there and I take a shower there!

P: While you're working you go to take a bath and take a shower and a nap?
C: Mmm-hmm! I have a bed there too.

P: You have a bed there?  How'd you get a bed there?

C: I brought it there!

P: I didn't know you could bring a bed into a place!

C: Well, it was a really tiny bed.
P: Oh.

C: I have a bigger bed now. 

P: How'd you get the bigger bed? 

C: From a store you've never been to but I have. 

P: What store is that? 

C: It's at the end of the street. 

P: It's at the end of our street? 

C: No, it's at the end of Burlington Street!

P: Oh. 

C: All the way at the end and around the corner and around the next corner. 

P: I'll have to check it out. 

C: Why? 

P: Because I've never been there before. And you have. And it sounds like a cool place if you got a big bed there!

C: Yeah. 

P: You have a pretty cool job. 

C: Yeah. 

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #35

P=Parent
C=Child

C: Will you go outside with me?
P: What are we gonna do outside?
C: Um. We're gonna enjoy the view.
P: All right!
C: (in the backyard) Look at that view!

(How can you argue with that!?)

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #34

P=Parent
C=Child

C: I like expensive things!
P: I didn't know that about you.
C: I do! Especially excessively overpriced expensive things!
P: Oh yeah?!

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #33

P=Parent
C=Child

C: The cat can't talk.
P: Yes he can. He talks by showing his emotions by doing stuff like meowing and purring and hissing.
C: Pissing isn't nice.
P: Not pissing. Hissing.
C: Hissing isn't nice either. 

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #32

P=Parent
C=Child

C: My sucker has a hair on it!
P: Go run some water over it.
C: Why?
P: To get the hair off.
C: That won't get the hair off.
P: Try it!
C: (washes the sucker) Look! It washed off the hair but it didn't wash off the lolly!

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #31

P=Parent
C=Child

C: Do zombies come when you're wasting water?
P: I don't know. Do you think that's what zombies are for?
C: Yeah. Zombies come when you are wasting water. That's what they do.
P: I don't know if that's true, but I'm not gonna disagree. 

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #30

P=Parent
C=Child

(Getting ready for Chinese New Year)
P: Did you talk about your zodiac animals at school?
C: Yeah!
P: So what is your zodiac animal?
C: I don't know.
P: Is it a snake, or a rabbit, or a dragon?
C: I'm a Ninja!
P: I don't think that's a zodiac animal.
C: Why?
P: I don't think ninjas are one of the zodiac animals. Did you talk about it at school today?
C: Why?
P: Your sheet said today you were going to discuss what everyone's zodiac animals are. Do you know what yours is?
C: I'm a Ninja!
P: I don't think so...
C: Yes, I'm a Ninja today!

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #29

P=Parent
C=Child

(Talking about the importance of having rules)
C: My rule is that if there's a squirrel...no, a small deer. If there's a small deer running to its mama you have to go the opposite way. Go the other way so you don't crash. 
P: That's a rule?
C: Yeah, you have to go that way.
P: Okay, so the rule is that if a small deer is running across the road to its mama you have to go that way?  That's your rule?
C: Yeah.
P: That's a good rule.

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #28

P=Parent
C=Child

C: What street is this?
P: Scott Boulevard.
C: Scott Granola Bar?
P: No, Scott Boulevard.
C: Scott GRANOLA BAR?!
P: Boul-e-vard.
C: Fola-guard?
P: Boll-ah-vard.
C: Fola-bard?
P: Bull.
C: Bull!
P: A.
C: A.
P: Vard.
C: Vard! Boulevard!
P: You got it!
C: Scott. Granola Bar!

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #27

P=Parent
C=Child

P: What do you want for dinner?
C: I want... grilled cheese and salad and turkey fries!
P: Turkey fries? I don't think we have turkey fries....
C: Yeah!
P: What are turkey fries?
C: They're just turkey fries.
P: How do you make them?
C: You take egg and salad and turkey fries.
P: But how do you make turkey fries.
C: You take egg and put salad in it and it bubbles.
P: And that makes the turkey fries?
C: Yeah.
P: Do you need to heat it up?
C: Yeah.
P: In the oven or the toaster oven or the stove top?
C: In the oven!
P: How do you know when it's done?
C: Because you go one two three four five. And it's done!

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #26

P=Parent
C=Child

C: (singing)
P: What's that song?
C: What.
P: That song you were singing.
C: Why?
P: I didn't recognize it. What is it?
C: It's just a little tiny song.
P: A tiny song? What is it?
C: It's. It's just a tiny song!

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #25

P=Parent
C=Child

C: I really want to sit in the front seat.
P: You can't sit in the front seat.
C: Why?
P: Because kids sit in the back seat.
C: I sat in the front seat last year.
P: No you didn't!
C: But I really want to sit in the front seat.
P: It's safer in the back.
C: Um. When I grow up I'm gonna sit in the front seat.
P: When you grow up you'll be able to DRIVE!
C: (Thinks for a moment) I'm not gonna drive mom & dad's car. I'll have my OWN car!
P: Oh yeah?
C: Yeah. And it's gonna be BIG!
P: Like mama's car?
C: BIGGER! And it's gonna be dark blue and light blue and red and pink.
P: Wow! That's colorful! But why does it need to be so big?
C: Because. I'm gonna put my toys in it. And my race tracks. And hot wheels. And train tracks. And trains. And cars. And battery Thomas. And my blankets. And my pillow. And my crib. And my squishy pillow. And my jungle.
P: Are you gonna put grocery bags in there so you can get groceries?
C: Yeah!
P: And what about room for the dog? And your friends? Are you going to have room for your friends?
C: They'll go in the back.
P: Why won't they go on the seats?
C: Because. All my toys will be on the seats.
P: I don't think your friends will like that.
C: Why?
P: Because it would be more comfortable for them to sit on the seats.
C: But they can't. Because all my toys will be on the seats. So there won't be any room for them.

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #24

P=Parent
C=Child

P: That's a jelly fish.
C: Is it made of jelly?
P: No, it's not made of jelly.
C: What's it made out of then?
P: Um...it lives in the sea and it's an animal and... I don't know what it's made out of, we'll have to look that up.
C: It's made out of jelly.