How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #33

P=Parent
C=Child

C: The cat can't talk.
P: Yes he can. He talks by showing his emotions by doing stuff like meowing and purring and hissing.
C: Pissing isn't nice.
P: Not pissing. Hissing.
C: Hissing isn't nice either. 

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #32

P=Parent
C=Child

C: My sucker has a hair on it!
P: Go run some water over it.
C: Why?
P: To get the hair off.
C: That won't get the hair off.
P: Try it!
C: (washes the sucker) Look! It washed off the hair but it didn't wash off the lolly!

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #31

P=Parent
C=Child

C: Do zombies come when you're wasting water?
P: I don't know. Do you think that's what zombies are for?
C: Yeah. Zombies come when you are wasting water. That's what they do.
P: I don't know if that's true, but I'm not gonna disagree. 

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #30

P=Parent
C=Child

(Getting ready for Chinese New Year)
P: Did you talk about your zodiac animals at school?
C: Yeah!
P: So what is your zodiac animal?
C: I don't know.
P: Is it a snake, or a rabbit, or a dragon?
C: I'm a Ninja!
P: I don't think that's a zodiac animal.
C: Why?
P: I don't think ninjas are one of the zodiac animals. Did you talk about it at school today?
C: Why?
P: Your sheet said today you were going to discuss what everyone's zodiac animals are. Do you know what yours is?
C: I'm a Ninja!
P: I don't think so...
C: Yes, I'm a Ninja today!

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #29

P=Parent
C=Child

(Talking about the importance of having rules)
C: My rule is that if there's a squirrel...no, a small deer. If there's a small deer running to its mama you have to go the opposite way. Go the other way so you don't crash. 
P: That's a rule?
C: Yeah, you have to go that way.
P: Okay, so the rule is that if a small deer is running across the road to its mama you have to go that way?  That's your rule?
C: Yeah.
P: That's a good rule.

How to Argue With a Pre-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #28

P=Parent
C=Child

C: What street is this?
P: Scott Boulevard.
C: Scott Granola Bar?
P: No, Scott Boulevard.
C: Scott GRANOLA BAR?!
P: Boul-e-vard.
C: Fola-guard?
P: Boll-ah-vard.
C: Fola-bard?
P: Bull.
C: Bull!
P: A.
C: A.
P: Vard.
C: Vard! Boulevard!
P: You got it!
C: Scott. Granola Bar!