How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #66

 P=Parent
C=Child

During the pandemic, a neighbor ("Jones") had a bin of children's books available for lending. Each week, we could return the Jones' books and pick out new ones.
C: Are the Jones' books fertilized?
P: (laughing) You mean sterilized? (I hope they aren't fertilized!)

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #65

P=Parent
C=Child

C: Know what the best super power is?
P: What?
C: The best super power you could have I think would be to think about your favorite toy and have an arrow appear to point you in the direction of that toy.
P: That would be cool.

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #64

P=Parent
C=Child

P: Oh, you're gonna read the book about Benjamin Franklin?
C: Yeah, I'm gonna read that before the fiction book about Benjamin Franklin. Although, reading non-fiction is like going through a small hole in a brick. Reading fiction is more like going through wavelengths of soft, smooth, buttery cheese- you can move in any direction.
P: That's why mixing them up us good.
C: Yeah... non-fiction is just facts and more facts and you end up sending fax. Get it? F-A-X?
P: Ha, ha.

 

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #63

P=Parent
C=Child

C=What's a Charlie Horse?

P=When you get a cramp in your calf. 

C= Oh yeah. Whenever I wear pajama pants I get a cramp in my calf!

P= Is that a "Pajama Cramp?"

C=Yeah hahaha!

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #62

P=Parent
C=Child

P=How do you know it's a female firefly? 

C=They only fly up to the male to like hug and kiss and make out and stuff. And then they have like 30 babies.

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #61

P=Parent

C=Child

C: I know how cranberries got their name!

P: How?

C: Because they taste like crayons!

P: You know what crayons taste like?

C: Yeah.

P: Do they taste like wax?

C: Not really. They aren't as good as Elmer's glue, or red pens.

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #60

P=Parent
C=Child

C: (putting plastic sea creatures in containers in the bath) Do you think if the beetle is under water it's dead?
P: I don't know, maybe.
C: Beetles can't live under water if they're under water for a long time.
P: It's probably dead, then.
C: Not if it's a water beetle!
P: Oh?
C: Water beetles can live under water!
P: I didn't know that.
C: It's true! Actually, I just made up a water beetle. But I decided my toy beetles are in the bath so they can be a water beetle.
(Tip: matter-of-fact second graders learning all sorts of animal facts might be making some of them up some of the time!)