How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #57

P=Parent
C=Child

C: I like this summer camp better than all the other ones I've been to!
P: Why do you like this one the best?
C: Because, well, today a girl had to go poop and the teacher started digging a hole in the ground for her to poop in. But then after the hole was digged, the girl said she didn't have to go poop anymore.
P: That's why you like this camp the best?!
C: Well, yeah. And there were electrical wires buried and so it was dangerous to dig there.
P: Should I write that in a Yelp review for that camp?
C: What do you mean?
P: Never mind.

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #56

P=Parent
C=Child

C: What if there was an alarm clock that shoots out candy at me when it goes off?
P: That would be cool. It might actually make you get out of bed in the morning!
C: So can I have one?
P: You can invent one.
C: No, you guys can help. We can all invent one as a family, right?

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #55

P=Parent
C=Child

C: I can't read as good as other kids, so I'm a late bloomer.
P: That's not really what "late bloomer" means.
C: Yes it is!

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #54

P=Parent
C=Child

C: When I grow up, will I have to put my own band aid on?
P: Maybe, if you live alone and don't have someone to help you put it on.
C: I'm not going to live alone. I'm going to get married and not have kids.
P: Why won't you have kids?
C: Because. Kids are a lot of work, right?
(can't argue with that!)

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #53

P=Parent
C=Child

C: What if the piano was a butt, would it hurt?
P: (no response to that one....)

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #52

P=Parent
C=Child

C: When I grow up, I think houses will have a lot more of those um... what are they called.. panels that catch sun...
P: Solar panels?
C: Oh yeah! Solar panels!
P: Why do you think houses will have more of them?
C: More houses will have them. Because only a few do now and they catch energy from the sun, so more houses will have them. Because it's a good idea.

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #51

P=Parent
C=Child

C: Remind me in the morning to take my nw medal.
P: That's a bad idea.
C: Why?
P: Because it could get lost!
C: Good thought. Remind me in the morning that I was gonna take it and then remind me why I'm not gonna take it, because I might wanna take it but I might not remember that part, but it's a good thought so remind me of that.
P: Okay. 

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #50

P=Parent
C=Child

C: I think I know what a crane truck does.
P: What's that?
C: Crane trucks drive around town looking for broken houses and then when they find one, they crane it back up!
P: Well, I think maybe instead of driving around looking for broken houses, the people in the broken house probably call the crane truck driver and ask them to come fix their house, and tell them their address.
C: Yeah, I think that's what they do too. And the crane trucks are driving around really slowly because they're trying to read the addresses on the houses. 

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #49

P=Parent
C=Child

C: Five and twelve quarters?
P: What are you talking about?
C: I think it's five and twelve quarters?
P: What do you mean, five and twelve quarters?
C: That's my age! Right?
P: Oh, no... you were Five and three quarters, now you're Five and eleven-twelfths!
C: Oh yeah. Eleven-twelfths-quarters...

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #48

M= Mother
F= Father
C= Child

M: He just said "I'm all about Subway Surfers. So if you want to know about Subway Surfers, ask me. Okay, Mama? 'Cause I'm all about it!"
C: No, I said I know all about it, not I'm all about it!
F: You are all about it.
C: No, I know all about it!
(a minute later) C: I'm ALL ABOUT Subway Surfers! It's my favorite. Even though it's an OLD game!
M: It's not that old.
C: Yeah, it is! It's from the Ninety-One hundred-Eighties!
M: I think the 9180's are in the future.
C: No, that's old! I know 'cause I've been playing this game for 90 years!
M: But you're only five! If you've been playing for 90 years you'd be older than your great grandma!
C: Well, I've been playing it a long time!

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #47

P=Parent
C=Child

C: Want to know a word?
P: Yes!
C: The word is Frig.
P: Fridge?
C: No, Frig!
P: What does Frig mean?
C: It means Mad. And it means fridge.
P: Is it a mad fridge?
C: (laughing) No.... well, I guess it could.

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #46

P=Parent
C=Child

(Discussing wall art at a public restroom)
C: A circle is my favorite color because you can roll it.
P: (speechless, how can you argue with that logic?!)