How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #57

P=Parent
C=Child

C: I like this summer camp better than all the other ones I've been to!
P: Why do you like this one the best?
C: Because, well, today a girl had to go poop and the teacher started digging a hole in the ground for her to poop in. But then after the hole was digged, the girl said she didn't have to go poop anymore.
P: That's why you like this camp the best?!
C: Well, yeah. And there were electrical wires buried and so it was dangerous to dig there.
P: Should I write that in a Yelp review for that camp?
C: What do you mean?
P: Never mind.

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #56

P=Parent
C=Child

C: What if there was an alarm clock that shoots out candy at me when it goes off?
P: That would be cool. It might actually make you get out of bed in the morning!
C: So can I have one?
P: You can invent one.
C: No, you guys can help. We can all invent one as a family, right?

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #55

P=Parent
C=Child

C: I can't read as good as other kids, so I'm a late bloomer.
P: That's not really what "late bloomer" means.
C: Yes it is!

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #54

P=Parent
C=Child

C: When I grow up, will I have to put my own band aid on?
P: Maybe, if you live alone and don't have someone to help you put it on.
C: I'm not going to live alone. I'm going to get married and not have kids.
P: Why won't you have kids?
C: Because. Kids are a lot of work, right?
(can't argue with that!)

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #53

P=Parent
C=Child

C: What if the piano was a butt, would it hurt?
P: (no response to that one....)

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #52

P=Parent
C=Child

C: When I grow up, I think houses will have a lot more of those um... what are they called.. panels that catch sun...
P: Solar panels?
C: Oh yeah! Solar panels!
P: Why do you think houses will have more of them?
C: More houses will have them. Because only a few do now and they catch energy from the sun, so more houses will have them. Because it's a good idea.

How to Argue With an Elementary-School-Aged Child (And Lose) #51

P=Parent
C=Child

C: Remind me in the morning to take my nw medal.
P: That's a bad idea.
C: Why?
P: Because it could get lost!
C: Good thought. Remind me in the morning that I was gonna take it and then remind me why I'm not gonna take it, because I might wanna take it but I might not remember that part, but it's a good thought so remind me of that.
P: Okay.