How To Argue With a Toddler (And Lose) #12

P=Parent
T=Toddler

T: You are a gawp!
P: I'm not a gawp.
T: Yes you are!
P: If I am then you are too. You're at least half gawp.
T: We're two gawps in a car!

How To Argue With a Toddler (And Lose) #11

P=Parent
T=Toddler

P: Everybody poops.

T: No.

P: You poop, the cat poops, the dog poops, even the fish poops.

T: The fish doesn't poop.
P: He does!

T: No...

P: Even worms poop.
T: Worms poop? (thinks about it) Do balls poop?

P: No. Because they aren't living.

T: Why?
P: They're called inanimate objects.

T: Balls do poop!

P: No, they don't.

T: They do! I saw one poop on the window!

(a few moments later)

T: I poop and the dog poops and the cat poops. But the balls don't poop.

P: Right, the balls don't poop.
T: No. Because balls don't have butts.

How To Argue With a Toddler (And Lose) #10

P=Parent

T=Toddler

 

P: Are you hungry?

T: I'm a lot hungry.

P: What do you want for breakfast?

T: Um. I want cheerios and granola bar and socks.

P: You can't eat socks for breakfast!
T: Yes I can!

P: How are you gonna eat socks?

(Picks up foot, puts in mouth and says nomnomnom!)

(Doesn't like that, so takes sock off foot and sticks in mouth)

(Doesn't like that)

T: I don't like socks.

How To Argue With a Toddler (And Lose) #9

P=Parent
T=Toddler

P: You need to sit down and eat your breakfast.
T: I can't.
P: Why not?
T: Because I'm a cat.
P: Cats can sit down and eat breakfast.
T: No. They eat like this (licks bowl and then attacks my arm).