Sleep Problems

The main problem with our baby right now is sleep deprivation. This started at about ten months of age, maybe a little sooner, and we are still battling it. I thought it started at about the time we traveled to California (which really messed up his schedule) but the fact that he learned to crawl right before the trip might have had something to do with it. I read that once a baby learns a new skill, like crawling or standing or walking, he doesn't sleep as well. And sure enough, after a few months of joyously sleeping through the night, he was up again, sometimes twice, in the middle of the night. So I talked to some friends and got referred to some books. 

The first book was The 90 minute sleep book. What I got from that is that babies are on a 90 minute cycle in which they are alert and sleepy. So if you pay attention to when they wake up, 90 minutes (or 3 hours, or 4 1/2 hours) later they are in their sleepy phase. There is about a 15 minute window in which it is easier to get the child to fall asleep. Other new parents I have talked to have said that the 90 minute method worked for awhile and then it didn't. Part of me thinks this could be because young babies (the first few months) nap more often and so will fall asleep every 90 minutes. Older babies don't need to nap quite as much, so they get sleepy after 2 or 3 sleep schedules. For my 10 month old, it was 4 1/2 hours, or 3 sleep cycles before he was sleepy again. The other thing that makes it difficult, is if the baby is sleeping in their crib, or anywhere but in your arms, it's hard to know the exact moment they woke up, unless they always wake up crying. 

The second thing I took from the book is how to know that your baby is sleep deprived. There are several things, one of which is waking up crying rather than happy. Also, they wake up easier (noise, light affect them), they sleep lighter, they don't nap as long, they fight sleep, etc. Every one of the symptoms mentioned described our baby at 10 months. And so we knew he was sleep deprived. And we knew to try to watch the clock to pay attention to the 90 minute cycles. But although it might be "easier" to get the baby to sleep after 90 minutes, it doesn't mean you will be successful at it, especially if the baby is sleep deprived and has the symptom of fighting sleep!

The second book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Which is a great book title. Other than the fact that it is written for the stay-at-home mom and the busily working father (seriously, what century is this?!) it has some good points. In fact, I read a mother's story in it that sounded exactly like our baby- down to the times he was falling asleep and the method in which we used to get him to sleep. (I have to say though, there were plenty of stories in there with the same BS: "we tried this for three days and it worked!" "After just a few minutes he was asleep!" which I read while listening to my baby cry and cry in the next room after a week of the same trial and no success. Which made me want to punch the people reporting their stories. But punching a book would be stupid.)

The solution, repeated over and over throughout the book, is earlier bed time. We had been putting our son to sleep around 8:30-9:00 and the book says 7:00 is a good bed time. In an effort to get him to get more sleep, I was trying everything I could to get him used to a 4:30 nap. (We shucked the 90 minute crap and decided that sleeping at the same time every day was the key to getting him to sleep easier). Well, this book says he shouldn't be going down for a nap after 3:00 if we are going to give him an earlier bed time. 

Okay! Once again, new plan. No more 90 minute cycles. No more 4:30 naps.

Day 1: he's super fussy, but he will not nap, so no problem! Fast forward an hour and he's sitting in his high chair waiting for his food to be prepared, and he falls asleep. Well, no dinner tonight but at least he's getting an earlier bed time!

Day 2: He falls asleep at 4:15 and he is OUT. Exhausted. Good nap.

Day 3: He falls asleep at 4:30 and sleeps, in his crib, for an hour. So, basically as soon as we change up the schedule, he starts to nap at 4:30? Maybe he's just exhausted because he only sleeps in the morning at the babysitter's.  

Okay! New plan. The book suggests (over and over) to put an 11 month old baby to bed at 7:00 pm, wake them up at 7:00 am, and put them down for naps at 9:00 am and 1:00 pm. It's supposed to work with the baby's biological clock. But it doesn't work for our schedules. So we decided to shift it an hour and have him sleep from 8:00-8:00 (with 1 feeding, hopefully around 6 am) and naps at 10:00 and 2:00. He already naps at 10:00 every day. The 2:00 one will be the difficult one to establish, and he is at the babysitter's at 2:00 for 4 days a week.

No, that plan didn't work either. Seems you can't screw with a baby's biological clock. And babies do have different biological clocks. We found after trying different bedtimes that he falls asleep pretty well around 6:00 every night, and he would sleep through the night if he didn't have a habit of pooping around 4:30-5:00 each morning! Lately, we get up, change the poopy diaper and put him back in the crib where he will sleep until about 5:30-5:45. 

He hasn't been napping as well as we would like him to, but the change in his bed time has allowed him to get at least 11 hours of sleep overnight, and he seems to be much less fussy and less clumsy because of it. My new advice to friends with babies: earlier bed times! Just try it! And expect everyone you know to say "He goes to bed at six? Really?!" (Including the pediatrician)

Sleep problems seem to be common among babies. And once again, like all things baby, there are dozens of books out there with dozens of suggestions, some of them contradicting each other. They say "find out what works best for your baby". What works best is adequate sleep. How do we get there? After three months of exhaustion (baby sleep deprivation=parent sleep deprivation) we are willing to keep trying and experimenting!